Still Learning

Home. It's strange how such a familiar place can seem so unfamiliar. How you can feel almost uncomfortable in your own house. It is strange but it's how I feel. Coming home has been filled with so many emotions! Sad, that I had to leave my team; scared, of decisions I have to make; excited, to see my family and friends; and ready, to sleep in my own bed. Please don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be home and am so ready for this next chapter of life.

I think why I feel so strange is because, living in Ireland with the same 12 people for three weeks had become normal and easy to some extent. I could have done it for a few more weeks and been perfectly happy. For three weeks I was living in constant 24/7 community. I'm not saying that those three weeks were filled with rainbows and butterflies, trust me they weren't. There were times when just putting on a happy face while being miserable inside would have been much easier, I even tried it. But being in constant community doesn't allow that. Constant community requires that you call people out, you challenge people, and you give a wee cuddle when needed. And you do ALL of that in LOVE. Community requires some sacrifice from every member of said community. It means you love even the ones who make it difficult to do so. It means meeting people where they are, no matter where you think they should be. It's a commitment of the highest regard. And it's how we were designed to live.

So, I think that's why it is hard to be home, I've been plucked out of situation of constant community where I was able to be 100% me and thrown back into one where I've never been 100% me. I have been half arse-ing my way through community and then get upset when 100% isn't given back to me. I have been wanting sacrifice from others but have been unwilling to give it myself.

Talk about a slap upside the face! I was just trying to figure out how to say how I feel like I give 100% and no one else does. And then God was like hold your horses there little lady, remember that thing you've been working on, pride, does it ring a bell?! Man, God is so good and I am so grateful He stopped me from making a complete arse of myself.

Lesson: Pride within community is like oil and vinegar. Mind = blown!! #boom