Beauty in the Sickness

For the past 5ish days I have been sick. I have been coughing my head off, so much so that my abdomen is in some serious pain. After a meeting on Monday night, well actually all through it I was sweating and burning up hot. Feeling as though I might pass out my leader told me to bundle up and go to bed. So, I went upstairs took a few swigs from my bottle of cough syrup, popped a few ibuprofen and hit the hay. I tossed and turned all night, the inside of my sleeping bag felt like Hell. If someone had cracked an egg on me it probably would have fried! (Note: this is not all that exaggerated) 

I felt weak and upset that I was sick and even more upset that I was showing weakness. You see I have this little problem called PRIDE! And that little bugger has gotten me into lots of trouble over my 23 years on Earth. It causes me to sometimes talk down to people, to use condescending tones with my parents, and it also has a tendency to make me over extend myself to the point of utter exhaustion where I just want to quit any and every thing I was a part of. The weird part of my pride is, I don't have a whole ton to be proud of. I'm not putting myself down, but if you look at my life and then measure it with my pride you'll see one of them falls short. The few things I have accomplished in life were not even my doing but God's, if anyone should be proud it's Him. I mean His pronouns are capitalized for goodness sake. But that's the beauty I have come to discover, that the Sovereign Lord of all, creator of the universe, and Almighty God is not not a proud individual. So why in the heck do I feel the need to be!? 

He's teaching me that it's ok, and maybe even better if I don't know everything that's going on. That it's ok to be weak, because it is in my weakness, that His awesome power is able to shine through. If I fully rely on Him and plans change and things go "wrong" it's all good cause I'm following Him and leaning on Him and because of that I will NEVER fall flat. I may scrape my knee, or break a bone but I will never fall out of His grace and mercy and love. Come on people that is something to shout about, am I right? 

I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I'm not even saying I have some of it figured out. But, I'm learning. I'll be honest, right before I sat down to write this I had an inner battle with my pride and it almost won, but the Lord is good and He gave me one more nudge to put me back on the right path. 

P.S. Mom and Dad don't freak out, I'm not dying. I've decided that if on a scale from 1-10 I get to a -3 I'll get Ashley to take me to the hospital. Right now I at a 5-6ish which is a huge improvement from 24 hours ago!